Anime Support Group Crack!
by Ice LunaWolf
Summary: Title says it all! Ciel and Sebastian go to a support group! Warning: yaoi, and swearing!
1. Chapter 1

Ice LunaWolf- Hi everyone! Welcome to my new fanfic! This one is a crack fic with anime characters from different anime. Someone do the disclaimer please!

Ciel- Ice LunaWolf does not own Black Butler, FullMetal Alchemist, and Higurashi: When They Cry!

Ice LunaWolf- But I do own the oc character Dr. Nyra Leighton.

…

Dr. Leighton- Hello everyone! I'm Dr. Nyra Leighton and welcome to the Anime Self Help Support Group! Since this is the first group session, why don't you introduce yourselves and tell us why you're here!

Sebastian- Hello, I'm Sebastian Michaelis and I am the butler of the Phantomhive Manor. I'm here because my young master thinks I have an unhealthy obsession with cats.

Ciel- Well you do, Sebastian!

Sebastian- I do not, bocchan!

Ciel- Yes you do! You always ignore my orders whenever there's a cat around and when you pet a cat, it looks like you're molesting the poor thing!

Sebastian- I do not!

Dr. Leighton- Next.

Ciel- I'm Earl Ciel Phantomhive and I'm here because my butler thinks I have an unhealthy obsession with desserts!

Sebastian- And you also have a dress fetish and you possibly have haphephobia.

Ciel- BASTARD! I DON'T HAVE A DRESS FETISH!

Sebastian- Bocchan, I caught you in your bedroom wearing a dress 8 times in 2 weeks!

Ciel- *blushing* Shut up!

Grell- Hi! I'm Grell Sutcliff and I'm a butler for Death! I'm here because I'm soooo obsesses with Sebby!

Sebastian- *shudder*

Grell- Who wouldn't be obsesses with that hot sexy demon butler!

Dr. Leighton- Your file also states that you're gender confused.

Grell- I AM NOT GENDER CONFUSED! I am 100 percent woman!

Dr. Leighton- Ok…

Alois- Hi! I'm the fabulous Alois Trancy! I'm here because I'm obsesses with booty shorts, Ciel, poking out peoples' eyes, Justin Bieber, Claude, and men! Oh and my servants think I'm bipolar!

Dr. Leighton- o.o

Viscount Druitt- Hello everyone! I am the Fabulous and Gorgeous Viscount Aleister Druitt! I am here because I'm obsesses with finding the beautiful little robin that I met at my party months ago! How I long to glazes at her heavenly beauty!

Ciel- *shudder*

Ed- Hi. I'm Edward Elric and I'm the Fullmetal Alchemist!

Alois- I thought the tall guy in the armor was Fullmetal, not this little runt!

Ed- WHO ARE YOU CALLING A LITTLE RUNT, YOU BOOTY SHORT LOVING BIPOLAR SLUT!

Alois- Claude, the blonde girl is being mean to me!

Claude- ….

Ed- I'm not a girl!

Viscount Druitt- Hello my lovely golden canary! How about having a romantic dinner with me tonight?

Dr. Leighton- Some else to add to Mr. Druitt's file! Confuses young boys for girls!

Ed- WHAT THE HELL! I AM NOT A GIRL!

Dr. Leighton- Mr. Elric, please calm down and tell us why you're here!

Ed- I'm here because I'm obsesses with alchemy and making myself taller!

Al- And brother has anger issues and daddy issues!

Ed- Shut up, Al!

Al- Hi everyone. I'm Ed's younger brother, Alphonse Elric! I'm here because I'm obsesses with cats! I hid at least 50 cats in my armor! _Meow!_

Sebastian- KITTIES!

Ciel- NO SEBASTIAN!

Dr. Leighton- SECURITY!

Security man- *comes into the room* Yes, Madam?

Dr. Leighton- REMOVE ALL THE CATS FROM THE YOUNG MAN'S ARMOR IMMEDIATELY!

Al- NOOOO! NOT MY KITTIES!

(_30 minutes later_)

Al- *crying in a corner* my kitties…

Dr. Leighton- Next.

Roy- Hi! I'm Roy Mustang and I don't know why I'm here!

Riza- *puts a gun to Roy's head*

Roy- Ok! I'm here because I'm obsesses with mini skirts and I burn things when I get mad!

Riza- And?

Roy- And everyone at the office are sick of Ed and I arguing all the time!

Ed- Well it's your fault, bastard!

Roy- It is not!

Ed- It is too! You always tease me, Colonel Sarcasm!

Roy- You're always breaking down my door and you're always costing the military money because you destroy everything you touch!

Ed- WELL YOU DON'T SEND ME ON WILD GOOSE CHASES THAT ALMOST GETS ME KILLED!

Roy- IT'S NOT MY FAULT YOU'RE SO TINY THAT A MOUSE COULD CRUSH YOU!

Ed- I'M NOT TINY! I'M STILL GROWING, YOU CORRUPTED COLONEL BASTARD WITH A GOD COMPLEX! AND YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU SUCK IN BED!

Roy- I DIDN'T HEAR YOU COMPLAINING LAST NIGHT!

Ciel- O.O

Alois- O.O

Sebastian- O.O

Grell- O.O

Al- *still in his corner*

Dr. Leighton- O.O Are you guys married?

Ed- NO! HE'S MY BASTARD BOYFRIEND!

Dr. Leighton- Ok… Note to self, get these two some couples therapy.

Maes Hughes- Hi everyone! I'm Maes Hughes! Would you guys like to see some pictures of my darling daughter and my beautiful wife?

Roy- I SWEAR I'M GONNA TORCH THOSE PICTURES OF YOUR, HUGHES!

Dr. Leighton- Why are you here, Mr. Hughes?

Maes Hughes- I'm here because some people think I'm too obsesses with my family!

Roy- Well you do! You're always bragging about them and you show dozens of photos of them to everyone!

Maes Hughes- I also take photos of you and Ed! *holds up photos of Roy and Ed* These are you and Ed getting it on in your office!

Sebastian- *covers Ciel's eyes with his hand*

Roy and Ed- WHAT!

Dr. Leighton- YAOI! *tackles Hughes* GIVE ME YAOI!

Everyone- O.O

Dr. Leighton- *takes photos from Hughes* Hehe! I'm fine, everyone. It's just a little hobby of mine!

Alois- Sure!

Dr. Leighton- Be quiet! Anyway, who's next?

Rena- Hi! I'm Rena Ryugu and I'm here because I'm so obsesses with cute thing that I kidnap them! Can I have pirate boy? He's soooo cute!

Ciel- Pirate boy?

Rena- *grabs Ciel and runs* You so cute that I'm gonna take you home and lock you in my basement and never let you go!

Ciel- SEBASTIAN, SAVE ME!

Dr. Leighton- SECURITY! STOP THAT GIRL!

Sebastian- I'll handle this, Doctor. *goes after Rena and Ciel*

(_20 minutes later_)

Rena- *tied to a chair*

Dr. Leighton- Are you ok, Mr. Phantomhive?

Ciel- *shaking while sitting on Sebastian's lap* I'm fine….

Dr. Leighton- Ok. I think that is all for today's group session. You may all go home now, but be back here on Friday for our next session!

Everyone- Ok.

Alois- Lets go home and have some kinky fun, Claude! *leaves*

Claude- … *follows Alois*

Ciel- Sebastian, take me home now!

Sebastian- Yes, my lord! *leaves while carrying Ciel*

Grell- Sebby, wait for me! *goes after Sebastian*

Maes Hughes- Better head home to my darling wife and daughter! *leaves*

Roy- Lets go home to bed, Fullmetal!

Ed- You're sleeping on the couch tonight, colonel bastard! Let's go, Al!

Al- Coming, brother… *still sad*

Roy- *pouts*

Riza- It's your own fault, sir! *leaves*

Viscount Druitt- Does my lovely golden canary want to come home with me? *wink*

Ed- FUCK OFF I'M TAKEN! *leaves with Al and a pouting Roy*

Viscount Druitt- *sighs* She's just like my pretty robin! *leaves*

Dr. Leighton- These guys are going to drive me crazy! *leaves*

Rena- *still tied to a chair* Hello! Anyone! I'm still here!

…

Ice LunaWolf- I hope you enjoy this! Sorry if it's a crappy crack fic!

Ciel- Please read and review!


	2. New Patients and Where My Bocchan?

Ice LunaWolf- I'm back and I just got a new laptop! So I decided to write more chapters for this crack fic! That and I got some reviews asking for more chapters!

Ciel- Crap!

Ice LunaWolf- Can't get rid of me that easily, Ciel! Hehe! Someone do the disclaimer!

Sebastian- Ice LunaWolf does not own Black Butler, Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood, -Man, and Higurashi: When They Cry.

Ice LunaWolf- But I do own Dr. Nyra Leighton and the security guy who's name will be Bob for now on!

…

Rena- I'm tied to a chair again.

Ciel- Where is Dr. Leighton?

Ed- Don't know, don't care.

Ciel- I have more important things to do than talk to a stupid doctor about my stupid problems!

Ed- Same here! Are you and your butler in a relationship, Ciel?

Ciel- *blushes* That's none of your business!

Ed- *grins* Oh, so you're keeping your relationship a secret! The colonel and I did that for awhile!

Ciel- *blushes* I have no idea what you're talking about!

Ed- Hehe! I won't tell anyone about you and Sebastian! Do you and Sebastian cosplay in the bedroom?

Ciel- *blushes* What?!

Sebastian- *pouts* I tried to get bocchan to wear a sexy kitty costume but he refused.

Ciel- SEBASTIAN!

Grell- I'll wear the sexy kitty costume for you anytime, Bassy!

Sebastian- *shudders*

Ed- Mustang and I cosplay in his office all the time!

Roy- I got Ed to wear a sexy cowgirl costume, sexy cheerleader costume, naughty nurse costume, naughty highschool girl costume, naughty maid costume, and sexy kitty costume.

Maes Hughes- And many of us walked in you guys doing it! Learn to lock your damn door, Roy!

Ed- Mustang also got me to wear a sexy military lady costume!

Roy- That didn't end to well because Hawkeye walked in on us and thought I force Ed to cosplay as her!

Ed- Ya, she almost killed you that day!

Ciel- I DON'T WANT TO HEAR WHAT YOU GUYS DO IN YOUR OFFICE!

Alois- Claude, I wanna cosplay too!

Claude- ….

Dr. Leighton- Hello everyone! Sorry I'm late.

Ciel- ABOUT FUCKING TIME!

Dr. Leighton- Calm down, Mr. Phantomhive! Are you feeling alright? You look a little flush.

Ciel- I'm fine! It's just these two were just talking about their sex life! *points at Ed and Roy*

Dr. Leighton- They were and I missed it! *pouts*

Ciel- What the hell?!

Dr. Leighton- Anyway, we have 3 new patients joining us! So before we start our second group session, let introduce our 3 new patients!

Allen- Hi I'm Allen Walker!

Kanda- Moyashi.

Allen- MY NAME IS ALLEN! NOT MOYASHI, BAKANDA!

Kanda- Moyashi.

Allen- AHHH! This baka is Yu Kanda and we here because everyone at the Black Order are sick of us constantly fighting with each other.

Dr. Leighton- This sounds oddly familiar. *looks at Ed and Roy*

Kanda- And the moyashi has a dark side that scares the shit out of everyone. AND HIS EATING HABIT IS DISGUSTING!

Allen- And Bakanda has anger issues! And he has a shitty memory because HE CAN NEVER REMEMBER MY FUCKING NAME!

Kanda- YOU'RE SO HOT WHEN YOU'RE PISSED OFF!

Allen- AND SO ARE YOU! FUCK IT, I'M HORNY! *jumps on Kanda's lap and starts kissing him*

Dr. Leighton- YAY, YAOI! *takes out a camera and starts taking pictures*

Sebastian- *covers Ciel's eyes with his hand*

Claude- *covers Alois's eyes with his hand*

Alois- Aww, Claude! I wanna see the old man make out with the shemale!

Allen- *stops making out with Kanda* I'M NOT AN OLD MAN! I'M 15 YEARS OLD!

Kanda- I'M NOT A FUCKING SHEMALE! I'M FUCKING MALE! *pulls out Mugen* _(AN: Mugen is a samurai sword in -Man!)_

Alois- AAAHHH! CLAUDE, SAVE ME! I'M TOO SEXY TO DIE!

Kanda- *Attacks Alois*

Claude- *Stops Kanda's attack by grabbing the blade of Mugen.*

Dr. Leighton- Alright, stop fighting or else I'll get Bob the security man to take away your weapon!

Kanda- Che. Fine! *stops attacking Claude and sits down beside Allen*

Dr. Leighton- Our next new patient, please!

Komui- Hi I'm Komui Lee! I'm here because everyone at the Black Order thinks I'm crazy and overprotective of my sweet little sister Lenalee!

Allen- You are crazy! You built robots that destroys everything!

Komui- I have to protect my sweet Lenalee from perverted octopi!

Maes Hughes- I know how you feel! Everyone thinks I'm insane because I'm overprotective of my darling daughter Elicia! Want to see some pictures of her? *takes pictures out and show them to Komui*

Komui- She is cute, but my sweet Lenalee is more adorable! Look! *takes pictures out and show them to Maes Hughes*

Maes Hughes- WHAT! My darling Elicia is way more adorable than your sister!

Komui- HOW DARE YOU, YOU DISGUSTING OCTOPI! *takes out a remote and pushes the button on it* KOMULIN, DESTROY THE DISGUSTING OCTOPI! * a huge robot busted through the wall*

Komulin II- DESTROY OCTOPI!

Allen- OH SHIT! NOT AGAIN!

Ciel- WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!

Allen- DON'T ASK, JUST RUN! *grabs Ciel and runs*

Ciel- HEY, PUT ME DOWN!

Rena- *breaks out of the chair* I'LL SAVE YOU, CUTE PIRATE BOY! *runs after Allen and Ciel*

Dr. Leighton- WHAT THE HELL?! BOB, DO SOMETHING!

Bob- I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FIGHT ROBOTS!

Sebastian- Now that bocchan is out of harms way, I can stop this thing! *pulls out knives*

Komui- *spits a blowdart laced with drugs at Sebastian*

Sebastian- *removes the dart from his neck and glares at Komui* What do you think you're doing?

Komui- WHAT THE HELL?! WHY DIDN'T THE DRUG DART EFFECT YOU?!

Sebastian- It didn't effect me because I'm a demon, you twat!

Komui- WHAT?! KANDA, KILL HIM! *points at Sebastian* HE'S AN AKUMA!

Sebastian- What? I'm not an akuma!

Kanda- *Pulls out Mugen but attacks the robot instead of Sebastian. The robot is destroyed*

Komui- NOOO! WHAT ARE YOU DOING, KANDA?! I SAID KILL THE AKUMA!

Kanda- He's not an akuma! The Moyashi's left eye would have detected it.

Dr. Leighton- Are we done trying to kill each other?!

(_30 minutes later_)

Komui- *wearing a straight jacket*

Dr. Leighton- Now that everyone has calm down, let's continue our session!

Sebastian- Wait! Where's my bocchan?!

Alois- CIEL IS MISSING!

Allen- Ouch, my head! *come back to group while rubbing the back of his head*

Alois- YOU! YOU TOOK MY CIEL! NOW WHERE IS HE?!

Claude- Calm down, your highness.

Sebastian- And bocchan is NOT your! He's mine! Now Mister Allen, where is my bocchan?

Allen- Um... I carried him out of the building and then I got hit in the back head. Then I blackout but when I came around he was gone!

Ed- Hey where's that crazy Rena chick who was chasing after you?

Sebastian- OH MY GOD THAT BITCH TOOK MY BOCCHAN!

Grell- YAY! THAT MEANS I GET TO HAVE BASSY ALL TO MYSELF!

Allen- I'm sorry I lost your son, sir!

Sebastian- He's not my son! He's my master and boyfriend!

Allen- O.O

Claude- I'll go save Master Ciel! *leaves*

Sebastian- OVER MY DEAD BODY! I'M SAVING BOCCHAN! *leaves*

Alois- WAIT! DO LEAVE ME, CLAUDE!

Allen- Guess we should go and help, Kanda!

Kanda- Che. Whatever. *leaves with Allen*

Dr. Leighton- Fine! Today's session is over! You all may leave now! *leaves*

Ed- Lets go help them, Al!

Al- Alright, Brother! *Ed and Al leaves*

Grell- Boohoo! Looks like I won't have any fun with Bassy today! *leaves*

*Everyone leaves*

(_Meanwhile in Rena's basement_)

Ciel- *tied to a chair* Sebastian, come save me now!

Rena- Hi Cutie! Lets play dress up! *holds up a pink frilly dress* This dress will make you even more cute! Hehe!

Ciel- OH FUCKING HELL! O.O

...

Ice LunaWolf- Hehe! I hope you like this chapter! !

Sebastian- What have you done with my bocchan?

Ice LunaWolf- I haven't done anything with him.

Alois- Please read and review or else Rena will rape Ciel!

Sebastian and Ice LunaWolf- WHAT?!


End file.
